teeny tiny fungi are everywhere — even on top of the itty bitty ones! (as seen on the first photo.) i stayed close to home today and only gathered enough mushrooms for a soup.

yesterday i was locking up for the night and took a peek outside. i could hardly believe how the moon was beaming down from near cloudless sky after all the rain. everywhere, droplets of water were falling, making different sounds depending on what they hit. metallic echo from the roof, soft rattle on the leaves of the trees, so many of them... and sudden crescendos from the soft caresses of wind. hard notes from the tarp hidden from view, and to my ear the loveliest - occasional drops into the rainwater barrel, doubled plops followed by the sound i'm not sure one can actually hear, that of the circular waves on the surface.

moonlight illuminated the not yet fallen drops on the branches and the rest in the grass. such a clear, white light but never cold. i imagined the light in places in the woods i know well, how it is divided into beams through dense canopy, the way it makes lichen glow on the exposed bedrock mounds where crowberry and cranberry grow. will the berries hold some of that energy, the essence of the moon at its most intense? it is my wish that they do.

why is it that glowing things are so beautiful to us? luminescence, it's been on my mind lately, ever since i saw moonlight kingdom. it's a lot to think about.

the picture above is a result of my trying to capture a collar of a costume in a circue éloize show rain i saw on TV. it was perfection. often i am distracted by the garishness of costumes and staging in circus acts, but this had a muted tone, grays and deep reds... i have probably mentioned this before, but my childhood aspiration was to become a tiger tamer and a contortionist. i did have a pink-nosed little tiger of a cat for seventeen years, but grew up one of the stiffest women alive. i might do well as one of those magician's tricks, the levitating lady, planking mid-air.

i bought some lovely, fluffy on the reverse sweatpant materials in a grayish blue colour. i'll make pants from the heavier fabric, and a dress to lounge at home in from the other, but the cut of the dress is still up in the air. too many inspirations... but a shawl collar and long sleeves are a must for staying warm. i want a tailored look with a casual flair. i'm also raking my brain for ideas on what to do with the leftover pieces, which is of course getting way ahead of myself. i should focus on clearing up some space for the sewing machine first.

there is something about a black apple that is morbidly tempting. i wanted to take a bite and for it to taste like licorice and smoke and mystery.

i've been making fresh apple juice almost every day, and it seems no matter what i add, it is always amazing. rowanberry & lemon balm, plum & cinnamon, lemon & ginger... all good. the kind that makes me go "damn, that is good!" i have a strong distaste for commercial apple juice but freshly homemade is a different substance altogether, especially from heirloom fruit. the broken branch apples are taking their sweet time ripening, which i still worry about, because it's not that warm out anymore.

nevertheless, i still keep getting early summer treats from the garden, like pea pods and new potatoes... well, these taters are the only ones all year, actually, but they were really good fried with chanterelles and an egg. i planted them way too late obviously, and didn't add mulch once, but it was more of an experiment to see how well they would do in a rotted tree stump. well enough that i will do this again next year. i'm not a big potato-eater so i'm only growing them for the baby stage really, to enjoy on occasion.

i am so tired all the time, been feeling flu-y over a month now, which i'm sick and tired of, but i am also emotionally drained and stressed out over a lot of things, like living arrangements (i haven't had a home of my own for a year and a half already) and getting by. there is nothing but bleak clouds in the horizon, and i am torn between my own needs, the expectations of society and what is possible. supposedly anything is, but anyone who struggles with so called normal stuff knows otherwise. i am overwhelmed with it all, so i stick to my mushrooms and foraging. for now.

the remains of atlantic storms have been raining down on us lately, and one such downpour chased me out of the woods today. good timing, because i was exhausted from all the funnel chanterelles already. there are too many everywhere, i'm renaming them fun: nil chanterelles, because they do kind of suck the joy out of mushrooming, forcing one to crawl all over the forest floor forever... i mean really, it's supposed to be about the thrill of the treasure hunt, not a mind-numbing, back-breaking task.

luckily, i also found a good few boletes, a couple of porcinis even, as well as chanterelles and some milk-caps. there were so many, actually, that i really only bothered with some, the very best, new and firm ones. earlier i felt so down i didn't even crave the crazy chocolate cake i made last night, despite getting a tub of vanilla ice cream from the ice cream van to make it perfect. but now, now i could devour the whole thing on one go... i used a cake mix, but added cherry dr. pepper instead of water, and topped it with caramel spiced with the same soda, then chocolate. and pink nonpareil. i actually wrote on my shopping list, next to these ingredients, "i know better than this!" but did it anyway.

the pictures above are striking for me personally, because neither is premeditated, staged, nor styled — yet somehow they are perfect. i brought the fruit with me and stayed at my mother's flat for the weekend. she made the crust for the pie. i always make someone else do it whenever possible. (the juice in the glass is rowanberry & apple, and look at the plate!)

the red cross seconhand store was good to me again, and the old ladies always give me a huge discount for being such a crafty girl. i bought the world's smallest crochet hook (well, not really, but #14 is pretty darn puny) and cotton to match, plus two japanese-style scarves, a blue one with sakura and butterflies, and a green, heavy-draping furoshiki cloth in a dotted wave pattern. they weren't the extra large silk scarf i was actually looking for but needful things nonetheless, i believe.

after that side-step, i hurried to the organic shop (lumo, which roughly translates as 'allure' and makes me fall in love with my native language once more, because you can imply so much with such little words..) to get more burt's bees lip balm because there was someone there introducing the brand to the clientelle (it hasn't really been available in finland before), but she didn't have the pomegranate one i love. i chatted with her for ages, which i never do but apparently the combination of very fave shoes and dress, and feeling good about my hair, despite having not only just washed it but used conditioner as well, making it like teflon and impossible to control, somehow completely changed my temperament. i still couldn't get miso either, but consoled myself with dish rags from kauniste. they had mushrooms on them, what was i to do? one for a homewarming present, one for me...

there was also the herring fair this weekend, where i scored a cutting board, the kind i've been wanting for years, with little blocks of oak adhered together so that the part that is cut across the grain is facing up. there is probably a simpler term for that, but i hope you know what i mean. it makes the cutting surface tough and lasting. i meant to buy honey but forgot, tasted lots of flavours though. buckwheat honey was especially nice, dark and robust. lingonberry honey had a light, floral aftertaste but felt too sweet for me, but i can see why it was an award-winning variety.

i met a guy i know from days of old, and we went for coffee and tea and pastries and babbled on and on. i'm glad we ran into each other, i felt like we were both in a same kind of place in our heads and needed a refreshing occurrence like that, smoothly flowing, nonsensical, but uplifting. at least i hope he felt like that, too.

moonrise kingdom finally rose to our northern latitudes, and i shelled out more euros than ever thought would, to go see it in the cinema (eleven. seriously, it's not even funny anymore.) the movie was perfect, it had everything in it, except mushrooms, although i did take this picture right outside the theater afterwards:

i followed the winding trail of fungi on spots of grass through parks and playgrounds to mill hill, where there is an arboretum, an orchard, and gardens of both flowers and vegetables. i picked fallen apples, some pears and a plump, lone plum from the ground. i sat on a bench among the flowers in blinding sunset light, breathing in exotic fragrances. i even nicked a strawberry from the elementary students' kitchen garden (they also grow the hugest kales and cabbages, i wish i knew their secret!) and on my way out meandered under the douglas firs, smelling the sappy, fallen cones and looking for more mushrooms. most of the porcinis had the blight or were otherwise suspiciously malformed, but i took one to go.

for dinner i had a microwave veggie burger, half a bag of crisps, and licorice pudding. the latter is something i eat only on occasion, it's a childhood thing. (okay, so they didn't have the licorice flavour back then, but it's one of the few without gelatine.) also, i think it may be part of the reason why kids today don't quite know where milk comes from, but you be the judge...

twin peaks is on TV again, and it is looking so fresh out of the blue... i watched it the first time around (over twenty years ago! excuse me while i utterly freak out over this realization), when it was completely contemporary. the re-runs have seemed so dated and nostalgic, and now this, what is going on? maybe it's seeing those actors all babyfaced again, after watching them in other roles these past years.

moonrise kingdom had a major impact on me as well, but i am not yet ready to talk about that. wait for it... all i can say now is that i always love the things i knew i would love the most best. and i am inspired. oh, i am...

so, all of this happened on one day, saturday to be precise. each thing on its own would have been enough to make me giddy, all at once it turned into a bit of delirium.

'tis the season to be jolly, if you ask me...

sometimes things that aren't black and white, are so anyway. lingonberry leaves, for example.
sometimes mushrooms smell like aniseed.
sometimes friends fetch you into the trenches and pines.
sometimes dead wood grows turquoise ears. lots of them.

a handful of torpid lizards fell from underneath a shovel i picked up from the ground. such a fun surprise!

one looked quite suspicious of me...

the orange-bellied one wasn't bothered much.

i breathed on them to warm them up, so they could crawl into a safer nook. the large male took the longest to get going, and no wonder, look at that tail on him! it must never have been broken off.

I ♥ michiyo

i crocheted this hat last night (finished at 4 AM). i thought i was making it to give away until i put it on and it put a spark in my eye. i have too many hats as it is but i need this. the whole time i was working on it, i was also sure it would fit a small child, not my melon head. this was another super easy pattern from my michiyo book. i love a project like this, where you just crochet on through, no seams. it starts out flat, back and forth, only the brim is worked in the round and that rouching on the sides is done with just one swoop of a loop.

that yarn has waited to become a hat for so many years, and i have unraveled many an attempt. about ten years ago i was in bed with fever for days and crocheted an amazing hat, with the same yarn but in black. i meant to write down the pattern and make another in red, but within a week i lost the hat in a pub and never found it again. and i wasn't able to replicate that feverish flow of freeform crochet either. i think this little cap finally makes up for the loss.

a lighter, summer version of this in cotton or linen would be nice, too.

trying to sort out my numerous belongings, i went through a couple of boxes today and came across a stack of papers from bookbinding school. suddenly a need to make books again washed over me, and i realized i do miss it after all. i have kind of kept it pushed to a corner of my mind for years. it's not a great passion of mine, nor do i want to be a professional bookbindress, but i like going through the motions, the neatness and precision, the finished product. i should finish something. i know i have blocks bound up somewhere. and chipboard cut to size.

i fear i may have forgotten it all, though. looking at my notes, there was so much i did not understand, terms i didn't comprehend anymore. but i think i know what the above is. replacing a cloth back. it's a satisfying task when it goes smoothly and absolute terror when it doesn't. been there.

nostalgia set over me as well, because it was a time in my life filled with anticipation for the future, right before everything went to hell. my memories are bittersweet. i miss where i lived, my apartment was huge and i had a full bath. the radiator woke me up an hour early every morning with its loud bang, which drove me nuts and often caused me to sleep in, earning me the nickname 'late shift' from one of the teachers. i loved to stay at school after hours, when it got quiet. i miss the building, its view of the river, the old tools and equipment and all the papers to choose from...

everything keeps coming back now, i haven't thought about any of it in a long time, over six years. it was such a good time, even though it seldom seemed that way at the time. i really messed things up since, made poor choice after another, thinking i was doing the right thing. i wouldn't hesitate to back and change it all if i could.

i should consider becoming a student again. just drift someplace like i did back then. find myself in a peculiar small town, doing something odd. i have to think about this. we'll see...

hello there! i was so pleased with my outfit today, that i tried to take a couple of glamour shots, but it was very windy and starting to rain... i always feel funny about showing pictures of myself like this, but then again i like it when other people do so. it is customary to go into detail in a fashion blog, so here goes: dress by H&M, lace tights most likely also, tights beneath are vintage, shoes by marc (comfiest high-heels ever, although by today's standards they aren't all that high...) and i am wearing dr. pepper lip gloss from the bonne bell lipsmacker range. the shot is mercifully out of focus on my complexion, because that is all the make-up i've got on. not that my skin isn't fine for thirtysomething, but no one needs to see them pores up close.

oh, and the occasion was that i took the bus to the supermarket and back... it was sunny and warm when i left, the first drops fell when i teetered back through the gate with my groceries. and skeins of yarn i wasn't supposed to buy, but my romantic heart fell for the 'night blue' shade (of plain sock yarn, but still). now the rain is whipping down and the night is not blue but blackest black instead.

carson ellis wrote in her blog that there will be a stop-motion movie based on wildwood, and while i haven't yet even been able to get my hands on the book, my heart is beating a bit too fast and it all just feels a bit too good, dangerous even, for that much awesomeness to be combined. can't wait...

 

the fly agaric is a sure sign of september. it is officially autumn-time.

all summer long i had been looking forward to visiting a friend of mine at the eco-village where he works as a co-op gardener, he was even going to pick me up today, but i felt so lousy i had to cancel my plans, all flu-y and depressed and not at all adventurous, or up for sleeping in an unheated cottage. i just wanted to curl up under blankets and never emerge. eventually i dragged my cranky bones outdoors, though, only to find a big branch torn off on an old apple tree. the branch with my favourite apples, of course (it has different varieties grafted on). the branch i, for once, had removed a lot of my favourite apples off of, to help the rest ripen and prevent said breakage.

the fruit is not ripe yet, so i am waiting before sawing the branch off with a clean cut. it is still connected to the trunk a bit. but i worry about the tree getting diseased from the wound. i already pruned it quite drastically earlier this year. hopefully it proves to be a tough one. i'm going to try and graft some of the branch back on, even though it is not really the right season for that. they are really good apples.

my mood wasn't exactly elevated by this disaster, so i decided the only thing to do was to go mushrooming. just near the house, for a little while...

"yeah, right" and "as if" are the correct responses, yes.

...hours later i made my way back, carrying a rather heavy basket brimming with all kinds of delicious things. one does not merely walk in and out of these woods...

this is what i was mostly looking for: lactarius deterrimus, the false saffron milk-cap. it is often dissed in comparison to the actual saffron milk-cap, but i like it enough to pick even the maggoty ones. i find the taste almost meaty (could be due to the extra protein...) and have succesfully fed these to people who "do not like mushrooms". they grow well in the spruce fields, and today i was lucky to find many fresh ones.

i was also blessed with a whole bunch of other mushrooms. a porcini/cep and some other boletes, rufous / red hot milk caps and others, some albatrellus ovinus or 'sheep's conk', funnel chanterelles (in the small basket), chanterelles and hedgehogs, a variety of russulas and some very fine gypsy mushrooms. in the larger basket are some likely very poisonous ones i took with me to properly identify. they are some type of galerina, that is all i know, but they don't quite match anything from my books (SIENET = mushrooms, in finnish).

exhausted, but i somehow managed to prepare and cook everything. froze some, made a 'shroom salad' with raw onion and sourcream of the milk-caps that needed boiling first, chopped and fried the false saffrons for later use, made japanese-inspired soup with the russulas (love them in soups!) to eat next week, ate the gypsy mushrooms fried with an egg (lovely) and sliced the porcini thinly for drying. only the funnel chanterelles are in the fridge, waiting for their turn in the dehydrator.

then, boiled some hot cocoa spiced with mint and cumin and vanilla soy milk, and took a deep breath. didn't feel so shitty any more.