the pineaway

an odd thing happened after my last post. i went to sleep (at five thirty in the morning) and you know that thing when you fall asleep and your body mistakes it for actual falling and startles you awake? well, that happened, but i thought my head had rolled off. and then a huge knot just melted away from my lower back and diaphragm. i took a breath like i probably haven't in a few years and thought "oh yea, this is what breathing feels like!" not a bad decision then, i take it, this writing more from now on...

ever since i was a little child, i've had the identity of an artist. in a very broad sense of the word, as in a maker of things by hand as well as illustrating. and ever since then something has been holding me back. most likely perfectionism, but also the nagging feeling that if someone has already done it, why should i... or more specifically, others are doing it so much better, why should i produce more crap into this world?

it's true that i don't like making useless things. nothing wrong with that. but not doing something because it has been done already? stupid. and that i'm going to confront. from now on, every time i see something and go "i wish i had thought of that!" i'm going to blatantly copy-cat the idea and post about it. hopefully this will lead to letting go. of what exactly, is a bit unclear to me, but i'm not gonna let that get in the way now.

my first imitation will be the collages of john stezaker featured in the etsy blog (how lame is it that they ditched the storque as the name) ...i'm not sure what sort of deadline i should set for myself. a week? if i'm lenient i'm more likely to achieve something instead of crumbling under pressure... so a week it is.

one thing i wish i had the talent to copy are these shoes by sam wolfe connelly, also on etsy. i have actually bought a pair of white canvas shoes for drawing on. a year and a half ago... i should dig them up from wherever they are stashed and just have a go.