this just kills me. in a good way, and a bittersweet way. the talent of some people is just too much.

hopefully santa will bring me that book, wildwood.

thunder was brewing in the clouds, murmuring for days, until yesterday the storm broke loose. the rain was unbelievable and i can't believe that wind didn't mow down any of our trees. finally, the air is fresher now. and there are more mushrooms...

there are also blueberries and i have been busy picking. it's not even funny how abundant and huge they are this year. i have been developing my own blueberry pilates, finding a steady position and then stretching out to reach all the berries around me while maintaining balance, trying to breathe and stay as ergonomic as possible. and not pass out after standing up again, i have low blood pressure.

to keep track of my whereabouts, i carry my mushroom basket and berry buckets in a bigger basket i can plant down while i circle the bushes. it's a crazy exponential pattern, when everywhere you look, all around, there's a trail of temptation. so every once in a while i locate the base basket and don't lose myself.

i found a lot of bog bilberries (top photo) at my new favourite swamp, and even some cloudberries but they were a bit past their prime.

cherries are ripening too, in our little trees. they are very tart, i love them. i think it's time for some pie-baking, before the birds help themselves. i just need someone to hold the ladder for me.

i had to put the cotton yarn i bought on friday into the freezer, because a little friend emerged from the roll. a very cute little thing, not unlike those soot thingies from miyazaki movies, but i killed it. i squashed the thing and feel terrible about it but i've had my share of pest infestations... not taking that chance.

there's this song i've been hearing all summer on tv, but couldn't find out what it was even though i tried googling bits of the lyrics. it drove me nuts because i really liked it and it was playing in my head constantly. today i heard another song by the group and recognized the sound. i couldn't believe it was a finnish band all along! i've been so disconnected from the whole music scene for so long, so i don't know if i like the band or not, but this one song has grown on me. the video is a bit interesting, though...

listen to 'laws of gravity'

i met with an old pal from way back, who had been studying in estonia so i hadn't seen her in over a year, maybe two. we both felt like tourists in our old home town, so we acted the part and took lots of photos. we ate italian gelato. i have sunburn, she probably does too. it was an incredibly hot day, heavy with looming thunder. surprisingly fun as well.

in a secondhand store i found the perfect roll of cotton yarn, soft and unbleached. also an old towel, white as well, with nice texture. i love vintage towels, they are such good quality compared to nowadays' flimsy and lint-y rags. the place was filled with good stuff, but i kept a cool head even though the second floor was like a sauna. i'm sure i'll dream of all the woven baskets and twig brooms and electric sockets... i really need a house of my own before i go back there, though.

a bat just flew into the window. they're not supposed to do that, are they, with all their hi-tech senses? i absolute adore them, but lately they've been acting odd and are starting to give me some creeps.

the firsts. surprisingly, our yellow raspberries are much tastier than the red. actually, the one you see is a mix between the small, tasty yellow variety and the big, juicy red one. a plump, delicious golden. and they did that all by themselves. on occasion the wild raspberries in the forest pollinate with the garden variety and the result is a huge, ruby red berry with amazing aroma. one thing is always sure — there will be loads and loads of nettle and thorns to dodge while picking them.

i didn't venture into the woods today, but found some mushrooms for dinner under the tall firs that shade our yard, yellow swamp brittlegills or russula claroflava. usually i don't bother with russulas because i'm more familiar with other mushrooms, but these were small and fresh from the depths of the earth so i added them to my scanty handful of baby chanterelles. i cooked a noodle soup with white miso and ginger after frying the mushrooms in a little bit of sesame oil. the russula was a pleasant surprise, with almondy flavor (and not the horrible almond extract kind but sweet and nutty) and a firm texture with just enough bite. the aftertaste of this meal lingered in my mouth as i was trying to figure it out. then it hit me. white chocolate. if the russulas and raspberries joined forces in a recipe, i wonder what might happen...

apologies to all arachnophobes, but spiders do fascinate me so. these big guys come in various colours and their webs are literally like wire, i get stuck on them, strung across trees. they are also kind of timid, hence hard to photograph from an inch away.

this mama i spotted earlier by ear, i heard a crunching sound from the lilies and found her feasting on something, well... crunchy. now a soapwort has been woven into a kindergarten. there are dozens of baby spiders.

i tend to take pictures of the larger spiders, but i did capture this lesser specimen in the blueberries, which are huge, mind you. i feel so inadequate again, knowing i can never gather all those luscious berries out there. i'm a slow picker, picking and choosing and cleaning as i go along. it keeps my hands happy and i can basically just pour the haul straight into the freezer at home. of course, i also eat a whole lot of them every day.

today was strange, i don't know if it was the changing weather or what, but the ants were aggressive, not to mention the mosquitoes (hello? this is repellant i have on...) and trees were creaky even though the wind hardly blew at all. i tried to stay in the shade but it was hot and humid. luckily i woke up early so i got back home from the woods before the afternoon heat. i made porcini pizza with bistort and ate way too much of it on one go, then took a walk to the boat haven, regretting my full stomach because i really wanted to swim, the water was perfect.

i wonder if it's the reishi tea that's making me wake up an hour earlier than the day before every morning now. i've been strangely energetic also.

this house has bats in the walls and they are making the strangest noises. or it could be ghosts. metallic, chiming sounds, like little bells. and a rumble that seems as though made by much larger animals. not the best kind of lullaby...

way too many blueberries in the woods. last year i thought there were lots. what did i know.

i watched the perfume tonight. it held a private irony for me, a red-haired laura and a man who doesn't smell of anything... in my movie, it was a bit different, though. the main characters got each other and only my essence was stolen, ruined. earlier, while i was picking those blueberries, i was in tears over it, yet again. time heals nothing, it just makes it that much worse, the hurt remaining after years and years.

nothing i can do but pick them berries. gather and collect. and wait.

last night i was invited to an island nearby to bathe in a smoke sauna. it was windy and cold, but i went swimming for the first time this summer. we had pizza and blueberry pie. at midnight the clouds cleared, revealing a glowing, full moon. i'd say it was a very nice evening.

to top it off, while my friend and i said goodbye in his car on our driveway, a huge red fox trotted past the gate, illuminated by headlights. the biggest fox i've ever seen, it must have come from the moon.

this is the wackiest fungus i've seen to date. i haven't the faintest idea what it is, nor do i expect to find out either. it felt like a koosh ball, though. the tufts grew on a tree stump i've been observing for a few years for the mushrooms that grow on it, but i've never seen these before. in an ideal world, they'd be super beneficial for your health and taste like chocolate...

edit i found out it's called chocolate tube slime mold, most likely it's a stemonitis splendens but the subspecies are numerous and hard to tell apart by eye

today i trekked back into the wilderness to fetch one of the reishi mushrooms. i just could not stop thinking about them. on the spot i found an old, dried up one from last year, so it's safe to assume they've established their ground there. i left the other one, and feel pangs of guilt for separating the pair... but i'm also very excited to try some reishi tea.

i have a potato plant growing in a tub, i'm not sure where the original spud came from, but i probably picked it up from the ground at the market square in the winter. i dug some up today and just washed and boiled them, then fried them with chanterelles and whole garlic cloves (organic, tiny ones). they caramelized beautifully on the surface, a perfect potato in my book. i wish i knew what kind they are. i'll have to try and save some for seed.

it's on. mushroom season, that is. today i noticed that the bird droppings on our yard had turned purple and headed out to the woods to pick some blueberries. perfect timing, i just defrosted the last ones from the freezer yesterday. the weather was perfect, cool and windy, hardly any mosquitoes. lots of berries were ripening, and ceps and chanterelles popping up all over the place. i spent about five hours in the forest without even realizing the time.

that pair of very handsome reishi (ganoderma lucidum) in the last photo was a great surprise, considering they are so rare none of my mushroom books even have them. i left them standing, hoping they'll spread, because they are regarded a highly beneficial, medicinal fungus. fingers crossed that a moose doesn't tread on them...

yesterday evening i made my way to the other end of the house, the open window in the kitchen, to breathe in some fresh air. in the distance, something caught my eye. little burlesque fairies, ostrich-feather-clad, danced in the summer night. meadowsweet was in bloom.

i slept poorly, my heart was beating way too fast, i was sure it was going to give up eventually. my back was so sore i had to keep turning and turning in bed. despite the high fever i did not have those peculiar fever-dreams with abstract shapes and terror. in dreams i saw, where that meadowsweet grows, all the cats we have had — some as kittens — and two tigers. i was worried the tigers might eat our cats, but they walked across the yard while i watched from the windows. i rushed to get my camera but it would not take a picture until the tigers slipped into our stone fence. i only caught their tails and wondered if anyone will believe me when i tell what happened. earlier in the dream i had complained about my camera, how it won't shoot in time, 'just like in dreams'... it's a recurring theme. now that i think of it, it's often large feline beasts i'm trying to photograph in vain.

my japanese shirayuki-fukin has been my best friend again these past days, soaked in icy cold water. the name means 'white snow cloth' so i like how this one is kind of literal, although by what i could decipher from the packaging, this towel's theme is the fairy tale snow queen.

i've lost two kilos in five days, and i haven't got all that much to spare in the first place. i don't recommend going from a stomach flu straight to a head cold. no long walks for me this week, then. it really bums me out. it's frustrating when every time i try to better my life, or feel a little better, there's a big setback. actually, it's a lot more than just frustrating, but i'm too weak to go on about it. right now, staggering to the bathroom is long enough a walk.

this nettle pesto bread i made on saturday morning was delicious. i battled with the dough as usual, which is why i don't bake bread all that often, but for the first time i also had that connection with it as something alive. i should make something fun and swirly like this more often. the filling had nettles, pumpkin seeds, rosemary, basil and just a bit of nori flakes and sea salt. to the dough i added a little spicy ketchup and paprika. no recipe, i just made it up as i went along.

even though i ate all of that healthy goodness, i ended up with the summer flu. woke up with a sore throat and the day has been a feverish haze. instant punishment for one moderately fun day. my friend was supposed to come over tomorrow with her dog and we had plans to go for a long trek and swim and grill some dinner afterwards. that's something i get to do like once every two or three years here. but i had to call it off.

i'm trying really hard to be nonchalant so i don't fall into the abyss again, but it seems impossible to avoid. it's the pattern. i dare to enjoy myself for one measly moment and instantly there's hell to pay.

this weekend was wonderful. it included a secret wish fulfilled, a bottle of beer (first one this summer) that i spilled down my crotch, dear old friends, a thunder and hail storm that further soaked my butt, a thrombus, trombones, dancing barefoot in muddy grass, an amazing golden sunset and today's quiet time on the beach, where swallows swooped past while i sat on top of a cliff. i say quiet time, despite the surrounding noise from a street hockey match, a kids' pesäpallo (finnish baseball) camp and music + screams from the swimming pool. i shut it all out and continued to melt my spine into the warm rock, thinking about the curious hairworm. how can there be an animal that looks like a strand of horsehair, swimming in the sea?

i still felt completely disconnected from humankind yesterday, but spending the day surrounded by people and hearing music was all right. and i do love a good thunderstorm, even if this one tore down trees, cleared the field and soaked the PA system, which resulted — before a new, dry one was installed — in one acoustic set.

it was a fun night. this was a good weekend.

my only qualms are that i went to the supermarket and the ben&jerry's fridge had disappeared altogether. and when i came home with my consolation ice cream, i found the peonies stripped down by rain. but the ones i dried earlier smell like candy. there should be peony candy, really.