i slept poorly, my heart was beating way too fast, i was sure it was going to give up eventually. my back was so sore i had to keep turning and turning in bed. despite the high fever i did not have those peculiar fever-dreams with abstract shapes and terror. in dreams i saw, where that meadowsweet grows, all the cats we have had — some as kittens — and two tigers. i was worried the tigers might eat our cats, but they walked across the yard while i watched from the windows. i rushed to get my camera but it would not take a picture until the tigers slipped into our stone fence. i only caught their tails and wondered if anyone will believe me when i tell what happened. earlier in the dream i had complained about my camera, how it won't shoot in time, 'just like in dreams'... it's a recurring theme. now that i think of it, it's often large feline beasts i'm trying to photograph in vain.
my japanese shirayuki-fukin has been my best friend again these past days, soaked in icy cold water. the name means 'white snow cloth' so i like how this one is kind of literal, although by what i could decipher from the packaging, this towel's theme is the fairy tale snow queen.
i've lost two kilos in five days, and i haven't got all that much to spare in the first place. i don't recommend going from a stomach flu straight to a head cold. no long walks for me this week, then. it really bums me out. it's frustrating when every time i try to better my life, or feel a little better, there's a big setback. actually, it's a lot more than just frustrating, but i'm too weak to go on about it. right now, staggering to the bathroom is long enough a walk.
