rowan berries will always be dollhouse apples in my mind. they will also be jam or jelly one of these days. since i probably won't be around to wait for them to get frostbitten, i need to put them in the freezer to get a bit sweeter first. i like them sour all right, but i popped a bunch of these babies in my mouth today and my whole face just crumpled in. i need to mellow it out a little. maybe mix with apples, or supermarket nectarines, which are really good this year. sometimes they taste of nothing but i've been getting only amazing ones so far. even dried them, and will dehydrate more because they are not too pricey, either.

saved this for last, because i know most people don't share my appreciation of spiders. this family was nestled in a garden bench i was scrubbing clean, had to be careful around them, of course. this has to be the most beautiful spider i know, so transclusent, like ivory, and those ruby red markings... my fave, no contest. and by the looks of it, there'll be lots of these beauties to adore.

we had a stray summer day, all the butterflies came out. lemon, maiden's eye, admiral, turnip, nettle and currant. and the mourning cloak, my other fave. i walked to the shore after i woke up, even before breakfast, to sit on the quay and once i got up to leave, one was basking in the sun behind me. it fluttered up and away, found a friend, and off they went. i didn't feel deserted for long, though. walking home, i was surrounded by a cloud of rusty red dragonflies. that time of year.

the forest had changed so much in just a few days. new smells, lots of mushrooms, autumn had fallen all over. lingonberries are turning red, and i picked the first funnel chanterelles when it's not even september yet! august seems to have gone by in a blink, though. next time i look i bet there'll be snow.

i lit all the lanterns hanging in the apple trees, for no one to see. the night was star-bright but still warm.
i waited in vain for a shooting star. heard a deer or a monster stumble somewhere nearby, in the dark. people were celebrating the end of boating/cottage season with fireworks and bombs, i saw the sky glow, flashing and fading.

i think i still have one more moosefly in my hair...

the (slightly) cooler days came, but so did pesky flu bugs. yesterday i tried to flush them down with the last drops of whiskey i had left, actually a toddy with lemon, honey, cinnamon, echinacea and chaga, too. i know i would feel better if i went to the woods, but upping and leaving proves to be the hardest part. i am also skirting the edges of depression again, as if i were skating towards thin ice in a slow, wide, circular motion, spiraling in. a part of me feels fine, another knows i am never so, and never will be. there is always the possibility that the bottom falls off my life, out of the blue or for good reason, there's no telling. knowing that it can happen even if i get everything i've ever dreamed of doesn't help. it surely doesn't help that i am stuck in a rut and unable to get out, that i am painfully lonely and resigned to being that way for ever.

it doesn't help that i miss people i should forget, because they have chosen, for their reasons, to get rid of me. some have been lovers, some have been friends. i have never had many people in my life, never needed a lot, but lately i've become aware of how much i need a soulmate. just one would do. i love the friends i have, but they are very different from me in many ways, which is often great, but sometimes i just miss being so close, so similar, that no words are needed. and i wonder if you make friends like that as an adult.

it's autumn that makes me so maudlin. my favourite time of year, but also a time which makes the inability to share so obvious. i need more sharing. this blog is one thing, but it's not always nearly enough. fear of sadness that stems from this is the thing keeping me from doing things i love. i don't want to be out there, mushroom in hand, feeling lonely, knowing that there's no one home, no one waiting, no one to eat with.

to top it off i feel lousy for even complaining, because i am aware of how privileged my problems are. my life is pretty damn dreamy compared to some. but i also compare, i read the blogs of homesteaders and crafters who refer to their significant others and have babies and keep all kinds of animals and display nice things in their nice homes, and that's what i want too (well not the babies but all the rest). a house and a hubby. so many people get to have that, for me it's an unattainable luxury. of course i dream of seaside villas and riding the orient express and whatnot, but in my visions of happiness i am taking a bucket of scraps to the compost bin or sweeping the floor, but there is steadiness to my life and i am not alone.

i've got raspberry stress. there is simply more than i can pick. i don't even bother with the red ones, ours have no taste. i only take a few to give colour to jam. the golden ones, on the other hand, are amazing. and plentiful. it's a two-sided sword kind of thing. the dense shrubbery provides this perfect environment for the berries to grow, but it also deters less determined pickers. i'd love to ask people to come and gather as much as they want, but it really isn't much fun with all the thorn, nettle and mosquito that come with the territory. the harvest is at its peak but it has been either way too hot for me to be out there during the day, or raining. i'm asking for a couple of cooler days before they all go moldy.

here's another thing i'm two minds of. a part of me wants to polish the lock on the front door, but i also really like the rusty look. the door itself could use a new coat of paint. the thing about shabby chic, when authentic, is that it really spells d-e-c-a-y. we've got plenty around here.

i should also wash the windows since no one has done that in a decade at least, but i just love the way the evening sun filters through...

the tool

the target

the method

result

sometimes, when you're five foot two, there's nothing to do but tape a toilet paper roll to a twig to reach for the cherries high up top. also, the tree is on a slope, so the A-ladder is a bit hazardous. half a litre of fruit this year, the best yield yet. it's a fairly old tree already, but growing up it was lunch for deer so many times, it's only now starting to thrive.

we have a second cherry tree on the yard that i've been pruning from the start, but less relentlessly, and it's turning into a beauty. my father, in his enthusiasm, planted it slightly away from the intended spot, so it needs to be kept at bay both height- and widthwise. both trees are the 'huvimaja' variety, which is a nice sour cherry, a bit tart but not too much. i want more trees, and different kinds. never enough cherries if you ask me. the more the merrier.

before i completely forget, i want to show some things from the yard sales in the old town during lace week. check out the wooden spokes on the wheel of the T-ford! it wasn't for sale, unsurprisingly, and neither were the old tools and things at another private museum i visited. i wonder if someone carefully positioned the felt boots to make it look like they're dancing, or if it was a happy accident...

there's enough carpenter blood in my veins to put me in tool heaven when stumbling upon a place like this. loved the way the wooden shovel was well mended. made me pine for times when craftmanship was appreciated, and necessary, and commonplace. wanted to learn to use all the mysterious gadgets.

also, a former president smoking the peace pipe.

today, i am fighting a flu that has been lurking for a while. my amazing energy is gone, all of a sudden it just vanished, but i had a great week while it lasted. i could use another bout, because there's tons of berries to pick and preserve. but now i think i'll medicate myself with a cherry & whiskey tonic and cuddle with the couch all night.

cucullia lactucae

this bright young thing will later in life turn into a plain gray and elusive moth. it's a lettuce shark and another of my rescues from the road. it seemed a bit lethargic, that's why i have it in a jar. although, it did try and bite me when i picked it up, so there's some feist still left. i wonder if it's ready to cocoon.

crossroads

birch and spruce

a darling little bog

heather

dense

fallen

the culprit

shack

as promised, here is the road to getting lost. the pictures don't really do justice to the essence of these woods. there is so much variation and each habitat is like a world of its own. great for adventures, excellent for finding some beautiful place to get lost (it plays in my head always). i discovered what made that awful noise that creeped me out the first time i found the timber ruins. it wasn't a bird after all, but three trees, aspen, pine and spruce, growing so close together that their trunks creaked against each other in an odd, almost knocking rhythm.

mass of blossom

what was so great about having to walk home after eventually emerging from the woods onto the main road a ways south from home, was that i spotted a whole bunch of pineflower by the side of the road! this really must be their year. i wonder if they grow so yellow for the same reason that finns tend to have yellowish teeth. our dental hygiene is not to blame, it's actually the bone matter itself. some say it's genetic but i'm thinking minerals in the water depositing. our local water is so rich in iron it has a yellow tinge, and my hemoglobin was super duper all through my growing years when we drank from the well. after moving away i tailspinned into anemia, but come to think of it, since returning home i've bought only one bottle of 'iron juice'. our water now comes from the pumping facility and is more filtered but it's still coming from only a stone's throw away.

i am still feeling fine and dandy after a week, most peculiar, althogh today i'm feeling a bit sick, like a flu coming on. i downed some echinacea, said "bite me" and ate more ice scream. i got a red slipover today from my seamstress friend who also fixed an oversized dress for me, and that's keeping my chilly bones warm right now. might as well have been made for me, it fits perfectly.

there are so many things i want to start all at once that my head is reeling. new sock yarns... perfume oils... watercolours... pilates dvd's... fridge full of berries... even with all the energy, i feel flooded.

this month started with me getting completely lost in the woods. it's a long story, but ever since i've had so much energy i don't know what to do with it all. this must be how normal people feel most always.

i may have lost it a bit today on my spending spree, but i've got white carnations and lovely, turquoise party cups and lanterns. among other things... mom loved her fuzzy socks, i also gave her a summery herbal tea mix. while digging through my boxes trying to find gift wrap, i uncovered all of my lovely stuffs and i started to yearn for a place of my own, badly. i'm wavering on ireland. going would not be sensible and i'd be away from supplies and other comforts but my heart says "go!" my bank account says "we'll see about that..."

don't you just want to take a bite of that frosty, minty moth? why do i always see them as candy? that can' t be normal... i haven't actually eaten one, ever, i swear. i do know they eat caterpillars in certain regions but i'm a vegetarian, after all.

next time i'll show you the lovely spots that i found while getting lost...

spindel

mandel

got lured into the world of bobbin lace, something my initial try years ago led me to believe wasn't for me, but apparently is. i partook in a communal lace art project. i'm showing my first ever 'spider' and 'almonds'. the uneven mandel on the left is my first and the second one i had to finish fast because the gallery was closing, so it's not as thick as it probably should be, but i got compliments on my quick learning skills, the mandels, i was told, are not at all easy to weave.

this kind of lace used to be, and still is kind of a big deal in my old home town rauma. guess who's starting to show some roots...